Little Kids and Lies

Now, this may be really going out on a limb, but somehow I'm kind of stuck on the parenting thing.  

I remember when my first child first told a lie.  She was probably two or three.   It was like I had been hit in the face with an icy snowball.  I couldn't believe that MY (perfect) child could possibly be telling a lie.  I'm sure I administered a time-out.  Maybe a spanking.  Then that little lie probably occupied my thoughts for weeks while I worried about how in the world to teach my small child not to lie.

But things change after 12 years of being a mother.  How I handle it now depends on my mood.  Let me give you first the not tired or cranky version.  Let's imagine  Henry kicks a toy down the stairs in front of me, then tells me he didn't do it when I ask him to pick it up and not kick toys down the stairs.    

Me, putting my nose two inches from his and taking his face in my hands: "Henry, I love you.  I know that's not true.  Next time please tell me what really happened."  No lectures about honesty, nothing about lies, no questions, no yelling,  never asking why.

The Mom's tired and cranky version is a little different.  It's more like this.  I pick him up, carry him straight into the bathroom, put him on the toilet, and walk out while he cries, closing the door behind me.  When I let him out, I always take him on my lap and cuddle him so he knows I love him.

Admittedly, rarely there's the Mom's REALLY tired and cranky version.  That one doesn't work very well--I won't share that version because I really don't recommend it.  

In the meantime, every once in a while we have a family home evening lesson on honesty.  And I talk about it whenever I think about it.  Eventually they get it.  Really.

I could yell or spank, but I know from experience that parent-child relationships are better when firmness and love are the driving forces.